Njord’s Guide to Approaching

…What the hell is this? I was taking a much needed vacation, and here you kids are, sitting on my front porch…Again! Whatever, Uncle Njord has still got the stuff to make you kids great. But I’m already pretty awesome from the first few guides. Yeah, and you’re NOT sitting in Valhalla, you’re NOT with the girl of your dreams, and you’re NOT me. So, unfortunately, you can’t be awesome. On to glory.

So there’s a cute girl sitting across from you in class, standing in front of you in line at the movies, looking at sexy panties at Wal-Mart. A man once said, “Beauty is common” and that is true. There are beautiful women everywhere, and you will catch yourself wanting to talk to a lot of them, but usually, we’ll psyche ourselves out of it 99% of the time. Time to fuck that up the ass and run with it. Now, despite popular opinion, there is no professional service that goes out to “holla at bitches” for you.

This guy doesn’t exist.

What the hell is a young man to do with all these incredible women surrounding him and absolutely nothing on his mind to talk to them about? Does he ask his cute classmate for the answer to number 3? Does he tap movie girl on the shoulder to query her interests in film? Does he suggest the red instead of blue to the girl buying naughty underclothes at Wal-Mart?

That’s exactly what he does! Too many of you guys scour the internet for canned lines (basically pick up lines), drown your brain with the methods of cult-like PUA communities, and spend too much time racking your brain for incredible shit to say to a beautiful girl you see when the easiest thing you can do is just TALK.

However, there is a secret word that will get you in, easy. Every time. The number one thing you can say, and the easiest shit to remember, is so simple that you’ll kick yourself for not trying it. However, this isn’t for everyone. It took me years to discover the power of this approach and one was of the great laws of the universe Odin discovered only after giving an entire eye. I’m only sharing it with you because if you’re reading this, I know that you’re already on the path to glory. It’s only a matter of time before you discover it anyways, and maybe it is my destiny, my fate, my wyrd to share with you the powers of this world beyond human understanding. It will be incredibly hard to say this and believe that what you are doing will eventually get you the girl of your dreams, but it’s foolproof. I swear to you on the very halls of the All-Father.

The number one thing you can say when approaching a girl you don’t know is… and I hope you’re ready..

“Hi.”

You felt that didn’t you? You felt that release of power, saw the lights dimming, heard the wind rustling the leaves outside as the silent reading of this word invoked the very spirit of every woman on the planet.

Seriously now, and I shit you not, you can rarely go wrong by just walking up a girl and saying “Hi.” I promise. It’s in a book somewhere. You’ll have a dozen and a half fears holding you back, but fuck them. She, or her potential rejection, can’t kill you, and even if you completely embarrass yourself, you still won’t be dead. If you’ve ever seen American Gangster, you’ll find an incredible example of this. Frank Lucas sees the women who will be his future wife, walks up to her and the first thing out of his mouth is “Hi.” She smiles, says “Hi” and he’s golden from there, getting Puerto Rican ass for the rest of his life.

So, the next time you see a girl you want to talk to, just walk up with confidence, and say “Hi.” Ask her name, offer your hand and shake, and if you can’t think of shit else, then just say, “Well I just had to come over and introduce myself to such a cute/pretty/sexy/ravenous/schön girl. It was well worth it. Nice meeting you.” Smile and walk off. Girls like to give eye contact when they want you to approach, so if some chick looks at you way too long, take it as a hint to go tell her that she’s looking at you way too long.

Tips for the Approach:

• Never approach directly from behind. What would you do if some huge guy just appeared out of nowhere with, “Break Yo’self! Give me yo’ goddamn number!” Yeah…Girls shit their pants too. So don’t do that shit. Come at an angle. At least let them see you in their peripheral so she doesn’t scream, and you don’t end up alley-raped by the bouncers of Club 69.

• Keep your body language back. Ever had someone stand over you in a way that made you squirm? Like a teacher, peering over your desk during a test. That’s overbearing body language. Said person is encroaching your personal space, and unless you two are having sex, there’s no reason to be that close. Women feel the same. Don’t lean in until you’re sure that she’s interested in you. Face her at an angle for a few minutes. Don’t just rush her with all of your energy.

• Watch your energy. No one wants some hyped up 10 year old, high on Red Bull, sugar, and life, with an acute form of ADHD, bouncing up to them asking random questions about their sex life, the wife and kids, little Jimmy’s Minor League standings, their relationship with the Prince of Kadath or the last time they prayed to the FSM at the Star Trek Federation University. If you’re at a club, a school dance, or a party, try to match the energy of the person/group you’re approaching. Sometimes, slightly higher is good to get them on your level if you want to dance, or you’re in a hurry, etc. etc. In an urban setting, just stick with matching. Never be a downer. No one likes the downers.

• Keep your body language open. When you close yourself off, you’ll give off a “cold” vibe quickly with certain quirks like folding your arms in front of your chest, holding something there (i.e. drink, folder, hands in tit-cupping fashion), having your hands in your pockets, or crossing your legs with your knee facing her. It “closes” you off, as if you don’t want to talk to her. Read the body language guide for more details.

• Respect her personal space. I know I said something about encroaching earlier, but this is different. Imagine everyone being a foot taller and 100lbs bigger and stronger than you, each of said persons having the very real potential to kill you or pack your fudge tighter than a virgin’s lovebox on a snowy, Winter Sunday morning with her “Crazy Joe” Dad, threatening to host Alabama’s 3045th Shotgun wedding if anything sexual, or of the sort, goes down in his house. Yeah, I didn’t think you’d like it. Even if she invites you to approach, that doesn’t give you the explicit rights to fondle her body. Keep it lite, like you’d treat a little sister, with handshakes and light touches on the shoulder or elbows. But don’t go picking her up, trying to Gieco her home.

• Fucking smile. Not a goofy, clown guffaw and all, but you can just grin, smile deviously, encouragingly, etc - depending on the situation. Trust me, your emotions will literally mirror onto the person you’re talking to. Though I’ll explain most of this later, the gist of it is that we, as social beings, have a tendency to copy each others’ emotions - like when you find yourself smiling before the joke ends, or laughing just because 20 others are. If you’re nervous/uncomfortable, and show it, she’ll be like that as well, and could attribute that as a warning to not stick around you. Use your facial expressions to your advantage, and don’t keep them plastered on your face. You’ll just look stupid and insecure.
  

  and not as cool as this guy

All in all-

• Approach with confidence and a smile. Be warm and friendly. It helps. I promise. It’s in a book somewhere.

If I’m wrong, try to tell me so. You’ll be wrong, but at least you tried. Lots of love.

~Njord the Wise <3

A Dime a Dozen

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The first date is a tough time for any young man. After successfully gaining the attention of a beautiful, young maiden, the young man must then prove his mettle on an exclusive outing that will hopefully build upon a blossoming relationship. Of course, this young man might have a number of what can only be described as major quandaries invade and soon take over his mind:
What to say, where to go, and what to wear are all worried over for unreasonable amounts of time until the young man is somewhat pleased that his selections will appeal to the beautiful maiden. As he makes his way to her ever-so-humble abode, one last little quandary creeps into his mind. Should he, as a young man, show up at the door empty handed, or bearing gifts..such as flowers? Will she spurn his advances for not placating her? Even worse, what if she rejects him for being too forward? What if she’s allergic to flowers? Oh, god what if the flowers kill her???
Have you ever been in this young man’s position? Ladies, do guys have better chances of wooing you if he shows up on your porch with a dozen, red ones?

Should guys bring flowers on the first date?

Obama or McCain?

Saturday, November 01, 2008

With Election Day looming over the “land of the free, and home of the brave” many, if not all of us have already chosen the candidate we’ll be voting for, or supporting, on Tuesday. However, which is truly more qualified to lead America through the myriad of problems it’s facing? From huge economic meltdowns that threaten the well-being of the entire planet, to Homeland Securities that are constantly being tested and threatened, the next President will have some pretty big objectives to pass in order to get this nation back on the right track. America is on the verge of making serious history, no matter which way it goes. Either the first female Vice President or the first African American President in our history will make headlines across the globe. With only 3 days until the nation chooses a president, do you know the facts about the candidates? Does emotion, media hype, gossip, rumors, racial loyalty, parents/friends/teachers, religious beliefs, or logic influence your decision?

Which candidate do you support, and why?

Speak your mind here.

Walk This Way

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Since its onset as a successful genre in the early 1970s, Hip-Hop has easily merged with various music cultures in a major way. However, one major genre, and its followers, weren’t as willing to allow a mesh of societies. Rock, in its various forms, has held strong front against Hip-Hop/Rap, and hardcore fans of both sides believe the opposing genre is worthless as music. However, there have been many instances where the two genres were able to blend beautifully, almost killing the presumptions from the factions of both fields, though nothing has really merged their disbelief into a complete acceptance of one another.

Which is better: Rock or Rap, or are they just two incredible forces ready to take over the world?

Cut for the Cure

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Though every E-warrior across the galaxy has declared their proclamations as law, I think we all know how skewered the opinions of ITGs are. Though nothing new, cutting is defined as a form of dealing with depression or other emotional issues that a person (usually a teenager) is plagued with. However, what’s the reasoning behind it? Do cutters think about what they do before they make that first sliver into the skin? Does it really aid in coping with emotions, or is it just a cry to the world saying, “Someone please look at me, I’m desperate for attention!!”
Is a cutter synonymous with emo? Let’s get down to the vein of the issue (bad joke?)

Are cutters truly attention whores?

Talk about it here

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